Matthew 5:41, Titus 3:4-5, Galatians 5:22
Celebrate last week to open
Today we continue our series “How We Deal With Others: Finding A Middle Way.” For the past several weeks, we’ve been looking at the Fruit of the Spirit and today
we’re examining the fruit of Kindness.
Kindness is one of those things that I think many of us can agree we need more of in our world right now. I drive around my neighborhood and see signs that say things like “Just be kind”. We did a whole Kindness Campaign back in the month leading up to the election. It seems like there’s a part of us, collectively, that is YEARNING for kindness...but if we’re honest, there’s a lot that can get in the way of both practicing and experiencing this particular fruit of the spirit.
David Brooks recently released a book called “How to Know a Person” and in it he gives an illustration of how far apart we can find ourselves right now. He talks about two people standing on opposite sides of a river, looking at each other. One of the people shouts over to the other, “How do I get to the other side?”
The other person looks back, confused, and finally says “You ARE on the other side!” 2 2
This feels like a pretty perfect illustration of our world right now. We are almost inherently divided. And sometimes, it’s for good reason. We are living in a moment where there are real, consequential justice-issues happening that compel us to take a stand and cause the right kind of conflict. There are things that are happening right now in our country that I don’t want to have a false unity over, that need called out. There are vulnerable people who need protected. And I just want to say, just so you hear your pastor say it: if you are in a vulnerable community, if you’ve seen your personhood put up for debate or blamed for something over the last several days, I just want you to know that you are seen and you are loved and you matter to this community and to God.
Part of our baptismal commitment in the UMC is to “resist evil and oppression in whatever forms they take.” And kindness doesn’t negate any of that. So please know that as we talk about kindness today, I'm not asking us to turn away from the very real pain and suffering and injustice happening in our world. Because what we’re talking about today is (SLIDE: Kindness does not equal Niceness or Neutrality) KINDNESS. Not NICENESS. Not NEUTRALITY. And it is so critical that we make that distinction. Because if we don’t, we’re going to be really tempted to throw kindness out the window. We’re going to think that kindness is this soft, sort of passive thing. We can 3 3
easily miss the power of kindness if we move too fast or assume too much.
If we’re going to really understand and embody kindness in its truest form, then we are going to have to absolutely find a middle way, a different way, a way that calls us to some really challenging and complicated ways of interacting with each other and existing in our world.
And the thing about kindness is that it is an active word. It’s a transforming word. That’s what makes it distinct from the word that we often, falsely, swap out for kindness, which is “nice”. Because nice doesn’t quite do that. Nice skims the surface and doesn’t usually wade into the deeper, more complicated waters. Like, think of someone you know who you’d label as “nice.” Now think of someone you know who you’d label as “kind.” It feels different, because it IS different.
I found this chart that I thought was a helpful visual distinction between what it means to be nice and to practice kindness:
(SLIDE)
And I have to tell you, as I read through this, I could picture specific situations that I’ve been in where I’ve fallen into one of those two categories. And honestly, when I choose nice over kind...it’s not my best self. These aren’t my most courageous moments. And those usually aren't the times where I think I 4 4
reflect the love of Jesus into the world in the best way I could. And, for me, this might be different for you, but for me, the moments I experience this the MOST are when things get tense and uncomfortable and there’s conflict a-brewing. Remember, Enneagram 2, here at your service. Smoothing out any edges that I perceive can be my specialty. But it’s not always the healthiest or most faithful response. It’s not always what is actually needed to bring healing and wholeness to that moment.
And so that’s why, if we go back to our Scripture for today, I really appreciate knowing a bit more about the context that Paul is writing in as he wrote Galatians. And if you’ve been around here a minute, you know...what does Pastor Mindie love the most? Context! Yes.
So let’s talk about that for a second. Because in this church in Galatia, conflict was happening and it was happening FIERCELY. When Paul writes about all these characteristics that make up the fruit of the Spirit, the things we need in order to live a life that reflects who Jesus is in the world, he's writing to a community that is both experiencing relational tension AND to a community that he had some frustration with.
And there’s a little clue in the text that lets us know something’s up. It’s when Paul says (SLIDE):
“Against these things there is no law.” 5 5
Which is kind of a random thing to say when you’re writing about love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control. Because...of course not. These are good things. Why would there be any kind of law against them?
Well, for the Galatian church, they were trying to figure out how they were going to live out their faith and what role the Law, like what we know as the Old Testament law today, what role the Law should play in the whole thing. And you had these two distinct groups within this particular church—one that really emphasized still adhering to the laws that had made up pre-Jesus Jewish religious life, and a very different group, one that wanted to throw out all those laws and live by grace alone.
You might not be shocked to know...both had some major flaws with how they viewed what it meant to be in Christian community. The group that was still holding on to the law had trouble putting who Jesus was and what he did and the work of the cross at the center of what they were doing and were getting hung up on putting lots of conditions on what it meant to belong to each other. Paul was frustrated with the fact that they seemed to be missing the point about what it even meant to be a Christian or follow Jesus.
But the group that was all about grace...they had almost went too far to that extreme. Because their grace had stopped being 6 6
the kind of grace that transforms and brings us into a really honest place with each other and with God. Instead, this kind of grace had become really permissive...anything goes. No one was held accountable for ANYTHING. And if you’ve ever been part of any group ever...you know this can be a problem!
And what feels really relatable to me about this church and helps me link it to our world today, is that this was a conflict between two groups of people who claimed to believe the same thing, who claimed to believe in and follow Jesus, but who were living it out in really different ways. In ways that were so different that it felt like they were standing on opposite sides of the river, just looking at each other, not finding ANY kind of common ground or way to build a bridge.
I would guess that for these groups, practicing any of the fruit of the spirit with each other, and maybe especially kindness...would have felt really challenging.
And when we find ourselves in those kinds of conflicts and cultures, where opposition just seems to be the way things go, it’s helpful for us to remember that we’re part of a bigger story. It’s helpful to remember that Paul is teaching something here that Jesus taught AND lived. This idea of radical, transformative kindness was something that Jesus had emphasized, over and over, in his own ministry. And when he talked about kindness, it was VERY uncomfortable, almost offensive even. Because when 7 7
he talked about kindness, it was hardly ever under the framework of “be kind to people who are in your inner circle and who you love and agree with and are easy for you to be around.” I’m down with that, THAT I can handle...but it was never that simple with Jesus.
In fact, the short verse we read today out of Matthew is one if three back-to-back examples of ways of relating to other people that are SO hard to put into practice. (SLIDE)
“You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ 39 But I say to you: Do not resist an evildoer. But if anyone strikes you on the right cheek, turn the other also, 40 and if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, give your coat as well, 41 and if anyone forces you to go one mile, go also the second mile.
None of this feels practical. And I think that’s the point. Maybe we don’t need to try and live this out LITERALLY, I mean I don’t think Jesus is advocating for someone to essentially give away all their clothes and get naked in the middle of a courtroom, which if we took this literally is where we’d end up. But I do think Jesus is saying that (SLIDE) choosing the path of kindness is going to cost us something. Again, that’s why it’s not the same as being nice. It’s going to be uncomfortable. It means sacrificing something in our own well-being sometimes in order to help others thrive. 8 8
And the first people hearing these words that Jesus had to say...they wouldn’t have wanted to do this anymore than we probably want to do this. Remember, they were living in an oppressive system with the Roman Government doing whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted. That bit about walking an extra mile...that’s not for exercise! That would have been a real thing that was happening to real people by the Roman government in order to exert power and control. This would have been a practice that people had observed and that was hated by the everyday person living in it.
And even so, Jesus’ challenge here is to put the question in front of us: what if we DON’T try to get even? What if we DON’T seek to get revenge? What if we look for a way to bring true, transforming kindness and grace to the places we find ourselves?
What would that look like?
I know the challenge with this conversation, because I feel it deep within me, is that it feels hard to do this right now. It does. But maybe the truth is that it’s ALWAYS been hard to do this. No matter where we go or what era of history we’re in, there is always been some kind of deep struggle somewhere. Now, that doesn’t lessen what we might be feeling right now. It doesn’t make painful circumstances less painful. But I think what it does, is it gives us some perspective to hold on to. 9 9
Because even though there is this constant cycle of pain, longing, things not being as God would hope for them to be, the message of Jesus carries through it. Not in a Sunday School “Jesus is always the right answer” sort of way, but in a way that says these words, these encouragements, these invitations were not given under ideal circumstances. Life was hard, life IS hard...and even though that is exceptionally true...Jesus is at work. And because Jesus is at work, things like kindness actually matter to the story we’re living in. It’s worth our time. It’s worth our energy. It’s worth investing in our faith life to cultivate these kinds of practices.
What you do matters so much. Even on a micro, individual level.
There’s this really cool book that Pastor Rob shared with me called (SLIDE), “Neuroscience and the Fruit of the Spirit” by Bryan Spoon and it looks at how these different things that Paul talks about impact our bodies and our mental health. And in the chapter on kindness, he talks about how acts of kindness produce endorphins in our brain, which can help alleviate pain, and that when people practice kindness, because of these things called mirror neurons, they experience the same feelings as when we RECEIVE kindness. Our cortisol levels lower; it makes us healthier. 10 10
And the exact opposite is true for us when we hold on to hate. Chemicals start firing, cortisol floods our bodies, our pupils dilate, and our systems start to override our amygdala so we have trouble discerning what exactly is true and what is really a threat and we just kind of go into overdrive.
It’s not healthy to live in that kind of heightened state for too long. It breaks down our bodies and it breaks down our communities.
But we can live something different than that. And it CAN be a big thing; it also can be really simple. I just watched (SLIDE) the musical “Waitress” and one of the big storylines is that the owner of this diner that it takes place in is this REALLY grouchy man named Joe. And Joe is mean to everyone and everyone is kind of fed up with Joe. But the main character, Jenna, always approaches him with kindness. And as the musical goes on, you watch Joe become more than the one-dimensional character that he was at the beginning. Kindness changes him and it ends up making a massive difference in the whole story.
The ways we practice kindness might look very different depending on who we are and the makeup of our circumstances. But I believe that God is putting people in front us, placing us in situations, drawing our attention to causes and issues for a reason. Because we all have the chance to participate in the work of God in this world. We all get to be a 11 11
part of what is going to heal this place. Not one of us is going to do it alone, but we each MUST do the part we are called to do.
And as we do this work, we do it because it’s who God is. As we go to the communion table together, I want to remind you of these words we heard from Titus during the Scripture reading: God is the original giver and creator of kindness. Not because we were so great and earned it. But because that is at the core of God’s heart.
So as you receive these communion elements in just a moment, I hope you’ll allow yourself to both receive the unconditional kindness and love of God, and to also let yourself be open to where Jesus might be inviting you to put kindness out into the world. We receive these elements of bread and juice that represent Jesus’ presence with us. And as we receive them, we take them with us and live them in our world.
Transition to Communion.