June 15, 2025
• Rev. Dr. Rob Fuquay
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St. Luke’s UMC
June 1, 2025
Communion Sunday
David: A Man After God’s Own Heart
“David as a Dad”
2 Samuel 15:1-6
Today, for Father’s Day, we skip ahead in the order of events in David’s life to consider David’s family, and particularly what David was like as a dad. The scripture reading we just heard begins, “After this Absalom…” Who was Absalom? He was one of David’s sons, but David’s family was a complicated one. David had eight wives, and possibly more, and many concubines. (This slide) shows each of the wives and the sons he had with them. The first wife, Michal didn’t have children. So, you can see that Amnon was the oldest son, and would be expected to inherit the throne so he was the crown prince. Kileab, is never mentioned again so its assumed he died early in life. The next is Absalom who will figure prominently in events that unfold, and way down the line is Solomon who actually became king after David. So obviously some interesting things went on for son number 7 to become king and we will look at the story of David and Bathsheba in 2 weeks.
The point here is to notice the variety of relationships: different wives, half-brothers, a kingship and one family. Very clearly this is a family with a lot of complexity! It’s very much like a young man named Emmanuel who has come here the last couple of years to talk about Angel House, a United Methodist ministry in Tanzania. Emmanuel grew up in a polygamous family. His father had many wives, and he had 50 siblings! He said it was awful. There was constant competition and some being favored, others not. He was not favored. So getting into Angel House to be able to have an education was life-saving and now he’s a doctor…
This is perhaps somewhat similar to King David’s family. Lots of competition, jealousy, and more. So going back to our scripture, we know who Absalom is, but what does it mean when it says, “After this?” This included a lot! It begins with Amnon, the crown prince. You get a sense that he was a spoiled brat, accustomed to getting whatever he wanted, and based on what we will see in David’s behavior, you figure his dad may have never corrected him in his life. As an adult he took a liking to his half-sister, Tamar, who was very beautiful and also the full sister of Absalom. He feigned sickness and called for Tamar to tend to him. When she did he made known his desire. She did her best to resist him and appeal to his faithfulness to God, but he ignored that and raped her.
Now notice this, when David learned what happened it says, “When King David heard all this, he was furious.” (2 Samuel 13:21) And what did he do with his fury? Nothing. No mention of action. No mention of correction or punishment or standing up for his daughter. As Max Lucado says, “No lecture. No penalty. No imprisonment. No dressing down. No chewing out. David did nothing to Amnon. And, even worse, he did nothing for Tamar. She needed his protection, his affirmation, his validation. She needed a dad. What she got was silence.” (Facing Your Giants, p.151)
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Its like so many times in the wake of a tragic injustice and political figures say, “Our prayers are with the victims.” Prayer without action is not only half-hearted faith, it’s worse. It makes faith a farce.
David’s love for his family is starting to be questioned. Particularly by Absalom. He waits for his father to do something. And this is where you can say, “How long did he wait?” 2 years! He waited 2 years and David never acted, so Absalom did. He invited all his brothers to a feast, especially Amnon. In fact, Amnon was the one he asked his father to send. So David did. You can almost sense David thinking, “Maybe now they will finally settle this whole thing.” And Absalom did. At the feast he murdered his brother.
And this begins a long period of chaos. Absalom flees for three years. He’s actually next in line to inherit the throne, now. So then it says, “King David longed to go to Absalom, for he was consoled concerning Amnon’s death.” (2 Samuel 13:39) But the form that consolation took is strange to say the least and this is where we have to introduce a key figure in David’s life, his nephew Joab. You could say that Joab was David’s political fixer. Ever king needs a fixer. So Joab knew David was getting older. Absalom was next in line. He knew David missed Absalom so he intervened to get the two to work things out. He arranged it so David would allow Absalom to come home to the palace in Jerusalem. But look at what David said, “He must go to his own house; he must not see my face.” So Absalom went to his own house and did not see the face of the king.” (2 Samuel 14:24)
How long did this last? Two years! So David hasn’t seen Absalom for 3 years. When he allows to come home and live in the palace he doesn’t talk to him for two more years.
If you could have asked David, “Do you love your son?” I imagine he would have said, “Of course!” And if you asked, “So do you talk to your son?” He would have said, ‘Of course not!” It’s a bit like a story about Pete Rose, the all-time hits leader in baseball who has just been reinstated posthumously as a potential candidate for the Hall of Fame after his betting on baseball. He was one ace asked why his daughter said he was a crummy father. He said, “I don’t know. I gave her a Mercedes.”
David, why does Absalom think you’re a crummy father? “I don’t know, I let him live in the palace.”
This situation, however, is not tolerable any longer for Absalom. So he sends a message to Joab requesting an appointment with his father. Joab ignores it. Absalom sends another. No response. And then a third. Finally Absalom sets Joab’s barley field on fire. Few things will make someone want to light you up like giving them the cold shoulder.
So Joab arranges a meeting between father and son. And it says, “Then the king summoned Absalom, and he came in and bowed down with his face to the ground before the king. And the king kissed Absalom.” (2 Samuel 14:33) And this is where we all go, “Ahhh.” Isn’t that sweet? But Absalom has been stuffing a lot of anger away for a long time and do you think that’s going to evaporate with one hug?
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During this time when David wasn’t talking to his son, Absalom got married and had a daughter. What do you think he named her? Tamar, after his sister. And you get the feeling that Absalom has let go of anything. Too much time has passed without working anything out.
So our story today begins, “After this Absalom.” It’s just three words, but there’s a lifetime of hurt and rejection behind those words, and they determined a direction that can’t be rewound. Absalom had lived with bottled up anger too long. He plots a rebellion. He sits at the city gate everyday telling people from the northern tribes, “Oh, if only I were king, I would make sure your case is heard. That you would get justice.” And he stole the hearts of the people and staged a rebellion in which he took the throne from his father. Now eventually things didn’t turn out well for Absalom. He goes to war with his dad and loses. He is killed. And David loses another son and a lot of public favor.
And you read this story and wonder how things could have turned out differently. What if David had been a different dad? And that, to me, is the power of this story. Not just to berate David for being a lousy father. Not just to beat up dads today for not doing more and being better, but to examine what does a better story look like? What could have been a much better outcome and what would it have taken to tell that story?
I remember some years ago interviewing Sam Hornish Jr., the 2006 Indy 500 winner. His three children were young at the time. We were at his house and he talked about all the trophies he won in racing and said, “I don’t want my kids to grow up and say, ‘That’s what was special about my dad. He won a lot of trophies.’ Instead I want my kids to feel like they are my trophies.”
What a great statement—to want your kids to feel like they are your trophies. I have an idea of what Sam was talking about. Last weekend (pic of Anna on stage) Susan and I went to Chicago to attend our youngest daughter, Anna’s graduation from the Booth School of Business. She received her MBA (pic of Anna holding diploma). That picture is a trophy to me. As much time as I have given in life to my career and achievements, I’ve come to this place where I feel like, what really rewards me now is watching my kids, celebrating (pic of Anna and Rob and Susan at dinner) what they do in their lives. That’s my real reward.
That’s the reverse message of David, to think about the power of making others, especially your own children and family your trophies. That doesn’t have to be hard. Just giving time and attention. Being present. Letting them see us cheering for them. Listening to them. Showing that we want to understand them. That’s about as complicated as it gets. You don’t have to buy them a Mercedes.
And that’s where this extends beyond fathers and men. We can all try to fill the voids of broken relationships in our world. There are so many missing this kind of support and in need of it. How can we be like a dad to others?
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I learned recently about Milton Hershey, the founder of the Hershey Chocolate Company in Pennsylvania. He and his wife had no children, but they saw lots of children without families. So they used their resources to start an orphanage. After Hershey’s wife died early in life, he continued to pour into the orphanage. It became a school to help give homeless children a future. Without any heirs to whom he could pass on his fortune, he left it all to the school. Today, the Hershey Industrial School has over 2,000 students. Enrollment is limited to low income individuals and the school has roughly $15 billion in assets allowing kids to go to school free.
Now we may think, “Well, sure, if I were Milton Hershey, I could do something like that.” But all he did when you think about it, was offer his gifts. Gifts come in lots of forms. Gifts include love, and acceptance, and attention, and encouragement and time. And those gifts are equally life-changing.
So let me tell you about another person, a guy who does happen to be a dad, who has allowed his gifts to be life transforming. Keith Baughman is a member of St. Luke’s. You can usually find Keith on Sundays working in the sound booth in Robertson Chapel. Keith and his wife Susanne, have two biological children, Ashlea and CJ. They say that what they appreciated about their dad was how present he was growing up. He was at all the sporting events and school activities from elementary through college. They could always count on Keith being in the crowd cheering them on.
As a teenager, CJ wrestled with coming out to her parents. There was apprehension just not knowing for sure how they would respond. Keith listened patiently, then said, “I don’t know that I understand everything you’ve shared, but I want you to know I love you. I will love you no matter what.” Basically he communicated that his love was not going to be changed by who CJ loved.
Then a few years later when CJ’s journey continued and shared with Susanne and Keith the decision to change pronouns from her to them, CJ said, “Again, I had this uncertainty, because I didn’t know for sure. Was this going to be too much. Would my dad say, ‘I can’t accept all this.” But no, Keith reassured again, “you are my child and I love you.” CJ says one of the things they really love about their dad is that last year Keith marched with St. Luke’s in the Pride Parade, and CJ says, “I wasn’t even there. It wasn’t like he went because he was dragged along just to support me. No, he was there without me. It was like he was in the crowd cheering for me.”
But wait! There’s more…
In college CJ got to know Becca who was a neighbor. When Covid started and the students were sent home, “Becca told CJ that she didn’t really have a home to go to.” She had been in foster homes and the current situation was not good. So CJ asked their parents if it would be okay if Becca, whom they had met just once, could live with them that summer. They said of course. Well, that led to the Baughman family considering to adopt Becca not quite two years later. Becca says one of her favorite memories is being back at school, talking with Keith and Susanne on zoom. She had just taken a bite of
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food when Keith asked, “So Becca, what would you think about us adopting you.” She said she nearly choked.
Then, at Annual Conference a few years ago, Susanne was a delegate and learned about Mission Fellows in the United Methodist Church. She talked to Becca about it and a year later we blessed Becca one Sunday morning as she went to Florida as a Mission Fellow. Becca has been working at Seminole Heights UMC in Tampa and part-time at the Metropolitan Ministry which provides shelter to families in transition. She has also become a certified candidate for ministry in the Florida Conference and will start seminary at Garrett this fall.
How differently could all of these stories have gone? How differently could life have turned out for Ashlea and CJ and Becca (family picture). But because of parents, and particularly for the sake of this Sunday, a dad like Keith, who gave understanding and attention, they also experienced the understanding and love of a Savior.
Now we can’t undo the past. We can’t just rewrite stories and history. All we have control over is right now. And when we choose right now to love others well, to make their needs the focus, to do what helps that person and not ourselves, we start writing a better story.
And painfully there are some parents whose kids tell them, “I don’t want to hear from you. I don’t need you in my life.” And there’s not much we can do about that if we truly love them. But we can pray. We can lift them up to God, because they are not just our children, they are God’s children. And God is a perfect heavenly Father.
I realize some of us have problems with gender associations with God. I get that. But the truth is, we come into this world by way of mothers and fathers. And God doesn’t shy away from these associations, because God is a perfect parent to us. None us are perfect. No dad is perfect. Every dad, every man, every person falls short. Which means the we contribute the shortcomings in others. So we all need the love of our heavenly Father.
David himself did not have great love from his own dad, Jesse. When Samuel asked him to bring his sons together for a sacrifice to God, Jesse forgot to even bring David. He was treated by his dad as a forgotten son. But David discovered the love of God and it filled the gaps in his soul.
We all need that.
Psychologists say that we all see ourselves based on the way we think the most important person in our lives sees us. Just think about that statement again. If that is true, then why not make Jesus Christ the most important person in your life? Because no one loves you more, believes in you more, or forgives you more than Jesus. We all need that love, and people around us need that love from us.
Let us pray…